SmackDown Report For Feb 27th

[CandyKANE]

No Way Out… ding ding ding… Raw… dong dong dong (well more like “Gong” except for Rock, who was truly astounding on his own in a momentous one man performance)… what will SmackDown bring as the Road to Wrestlemania hits London, Ontario this evening. Michael Cole and Tazz are set to go, so let’s get to the meat and potatoes of this evening’s discussion. And later tonight, early tomorrow if you’re at No Holds Barred, catch a blast back to the year 1999 as I reprint quite possibly the greatest piece of material ever composed on WWF.com, by Seth Mates. It won’t be much from me, except a foreword and afterword, but I think you’ll like it. Next week’s Off the Canvas will deal with Wrestlemania buildup… the times between the February PPV and Mania, tracing back to the first year of Raw. What has changed… what is missing, and which year set itself up for Mania to make the most impact in the final four weeks before the biggest night of the year. But that’s next week… let’s get to SmackDown for the 27th for the time being.

Right off the bat, Vince McMahon makes his presence felt as he swaggers down to ringside looking just as egomaniacal as ever, perhaps even more. “Well I’ve got some bad news for you tonight. That’s alright because not only do I have bad news for you, I’ve also got some good news for you… and the bad news is that tonight the Rock will not be here tonight. Whoa ho ho ho, the reason the Rock will not be here tonight is because the Rock has earned the right to go to whatever show he wants to go, so the Rock has chosen to leave SmackDown and go to Raw. Now then the good news, hang on this is really good… that tonight Hulk Hogan, the Hulkster himself will not be here tonight. A little disappointed in that are you? Not as disappointed as I am. Hogan is using the flimsy excuse of why he’s not here tonight. He’s using the flimsy excuse (asshole chant for Vinnie Mac)… Hogan is using the flimsy excuse of a family emergency, yeah imagine that one, that’s a whopper huh. Something to do with his son, Nick, I think that’s his name. It really doesn’t matter, because let’s face it, there’s only one reason why Hulk Hogan isn’t here tonight and it’s real simple, read my lips. Hulk Hogan is a coward. Hulk Hogan is afraid of me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and oh he’s not… it started about a month ago when Hogan challenged me to a match… you don’t screw with me Hulk Hogan, oh no. SHUT UP when I’m out here! You don’t screw with me Hogan, I screw with you, and boy did I ever screw him, huh. I screwed Hogan royally at No Way Out. Oh I’m damn proud of it, you see it went down like this. Hogan dropped the big leg, 1-2 and then literally the lights went out on Hulk Hogan and when the lights came up, there’s a bewildered Hogan standing there, the Rock’s down, the referee’s down, and all of a sudden coming down the ramp, there’s me coming down to confront Hogan. Little does he see the appointed official, who I might add is a Canadian just like all of you… this Canadian behind the Hulkster’s back slides the chair over to the Rock, who picks up the chair and BAM, then the Rock gives the Rock Bottom to Hogan and gets the 1-2-3. If you don’t believe everything I just said, we’re going to break tradition tonight. After you’ve seen this footage, then you will agree with me unquestionably that tonight, it will be official that Hulkamania is dead. Oh whoa whoa whoa, but there’s a new mania here in the WWE… oh yeah, there’s a new mania and that new mania is simply this. McMahonamania is running wild!”

(Comment: Vince showing the full screwing of Hogan on the telecast tonight, the “world broadcast premiere,” most probably who know that will come back to watch it. It was done well, though that match itself was a bit ugly to say the least.)

SLAM OF THE WEEK (Cradle 2 the Grave): Funaki coming to Torrie’s aid last week and saving her from Noble and Nidia’s wrath.

MATCH 1: TORRIE WILSON & FUNAKI VS. NIDIA & JAMIE NOBLE
Funaki and Noble kicked it off and the fans more or less stared at the ladies and gave a few “oooohs” while trying to get into it. Noble hit a beautiful spin counter into a thunderous neckbreaker to gain an extended advantage. He tagged in Nidia with Funaki near the corner. She dropped a leg and gave a few boots and a pretty ugly double stomp before quickly making the exchange to her man. Sho blocked the Tiger Driver attempt and catapulted Noble into Nidia in the corner, followed up with a bulldog before the two men clotheslined each other off a Noble blocked tornado DDT. Tags were made on both sides once Nidia missed a top rope splash and Torrie was all over her once Funaki tagged her. Torrie would smack Jamie repeatedly as well before he had enough and threw her down hard to good Canadian heat. Noble caught a baseball slide attempting to chase Wilson around, then Funaki with a pescada. Torrie and Nidia in the ring and both were legal… Dawn smacked Torrie but Wilson rolled Nidia up after bouncing her into Dawn on the apron.
RATING: 4.5, Not bad for what it was.
MEMORABLE: Nidia off the top and Noble throwing Torrie down
CROWD: 6, Not bad after a few seconds.
OUTCOME: Well… Torrie in Playboy, which actually has been known at least in locker rooms… for a while. I’ve had that info for a month, not sure how widely known it got before the announcement.
WINNER(S): TORRIE AND FUNAKI AT 4:19

After the bell, a few moments later Stephanie McMahon appeared with a smile and looking a bit different this evening with the hair. “The following announcement is for mature audiences only. I’m referring of course to Hugh Hefner’s offer for a SmackDown Diva on the cover and with a full nude pictorial in Playboy magazine. You really want to see what’s beneath our clothes and under our lingerie? You really want to see our bare breasts and well, everything else naked? Well then, congratulations to me. Oh, no wait I’m sorry, I didn’t mean congratulations to me like I was going to be in Playboy. I meant congratulations to me for closing the deal, because ladies and gentlemen the hottest, sexiest, finest Diva who will be featured in next month’s Playboy magazine will be Torrie Wilson.” (Torrie looked like she won the lottery and was so excited as Nidia and Dawn were irate on the floor.)

Torrie confronts Steph in the back and finds out not only Playboy, but it won’t interfere with her appearance on Girls Gone Wild.

Brian Kendrick then comes up trying to get a job on SmackDown. “I was thinking, just to prove how badly I want a job here… I take on WWE Champion Kurt Angle tonight. Stephanie please I’m serious. Please.” Steph tells him if he can last five minutes with Kurt tonight, he’ll be the newest addition to the SmackDown roster. He thanks her and gets overly excited about the opportunity.

MATCH 2: NUNZIO (W/ FBI Stamboli and Palumbo) VS. EDDIE GUERRERO (W/ Chavo)
FBI is back as Chimmel announces them as such and Tazz claims he may have heard that somewhere before… of course we all know where. Good idea to use it though. Eddie did his double springboard flying arm drag as Nunzio brawled in the corner early against Latino Heat. Palumbo with a trip on Guerrero that led to the switch of momentum. The FBI attacked and distracted with every possible chance and put Nunzio in a great position at the 2:30 mark until Eddie hit a tilt a whirl backbreaker that bought him much needed recovery time. Nunzio caught one of Eddie’s trademark European uppercuts and then took the electric chair variation of a fallaway slam and nearly won the match at 3:22. Eddie missed his top rope senton, one of his three trademark defensive maneuvers, but used Nunzio’s tights to roll him up and win the match. Rikishi ran up to make it a three on three, probably one we will see next week on SmackDown.
RATING: 6.5, Looked to be heating up just as it ended… it was good but needed about twice this long (8 mins) to give Nunzio a breakout performance. The two definitely could tell a good story together.
MEMORABLE: Eddie’s electric chair back drop on Nunzio was nice.
CROWD: 7, Chants of “Eddie” and fair to decent heat for the Full Blooded Italians.
OUTCOME: Eddie, Chavo, Kish vs. F.B.I next week I’m sure.
WINNER(S): EDDIE GUERRERO AT 3:57

Steph in her office as in comes one Paul Heyman as she asked. “It’s about tonight’s match, Brock Lesnar vs. Team Angle. Seeing as how Kurt Angle pulled a fast one last week, then tonight Brock Lesnar will get to name a stipulation of his own. If Brock defeats Team Angle tonight, then Brock Lesnar will get to choose any member of Team Angle that he wants to face next week in a steel cage.” Heyman says it isn’t fair because everyone knows he’ll pick Kurt and Steph says life’s not fair and forces him out. (Symbolic isn’t it?)

Sunday at No Way Out, Edge was ambushed in the locker room area… he sustained a serious neck injury at the hands perhaps of Team Angle and will be out for a year. (Decent and extremely vague explanation, tell them nothing more than they need to know if they don’t already know it.)

Benoit tells Brock in the back that he knows Kurt is one heartless and cruel bastard who will do anything to keep the title. They both know Team Angle as a force did what was done to Edge, and that’s something neither of them wants to see Brock have to go through as well. He tells Lesnar to beat Haas and Benjamin by any means necessary and then next week he can have one of them and do the same to them that was done to Edge. Brock asks Chris if he’s worried about himself being targeted next and Benoit says he’s counting on it… he then asks through a door if his new partner is ready for the action they have upcoming next and takes off towards the ring.

[CandyKANE]

Wrestlemania XIX advertisement, the first I’ve seen but I may have missed one on Monday, and the theme appears to be Limp Bizkit as it was two years ago. Tazz tells us that LB will be there live, performing the Wrestlemania theme song live at Safeco. The song is an original track on a soon to be released album. I knew I hadn’t heard it before.

Matt Hardy told Josh Mathews during the break that the victory Sunday was not only a victory for him but for Mattitude as a force. He joins Benoit in wishing Edge a speedy recovery and states that perhaps if Edge had a little Mattitude, he wouldn’t have suffered “such an unfortunate… Twist of Fate.” (Good stuff, and right to the point.)

MATCH 3: MATT HARDY & SHANNON MOORE VS. CHRIS BENOIT & RHYNO
“Matt thinks sweet potatoes are delicious.” Excellent to see the Man Beast making his return and him and Benoit could make an excellent team for awhile. Rhyno all over Shannon Moore as the bell rang and the crowd loved seeing him return right in front of them. Benoit kept up the attack as the fans were notably jacked up with the teaming of a Canadian hero with a recovered superstar. Matt hit the Side Effect at 1:19 on Benoit off a corner counter but only got a “Twoooooooo” for it. “ECW” chant broke out in the building as Moore got a two count off a belly to back suplex and a huge “Rhyno” chant broke out. Benoit countered Moore’s attempt at the Poetry in Motion, hit a beautiful release German, and made the tag to Rhyno. The Man Beast looked in good shape and extremely ready to be back in there… nice spinebuster on Matt and a running powerslam off a catch on Shannon Moore. Benoit hit the Swandive headbutt on Moore and Matt laid him out from behind, but then turned to catch the first Gore in many months.
RATING: 6.5, Another above average and entertaining effort (again short, two matches in a row that could have stood a few more minutes easily) that featured a long anticipated return. Rhyno will add some needed freshness to SD.
MEMORABLE: Rhyno has returned… and that’s a good thing for everybody.
CROWD: 8, “Rhyno Rhyno Rhyno” and of course Benoit.
OUTCOME: Benoit and Rhyno vs. Team Angle at Wrestlemania looks to be the most sensible thing right now… we’ll know soon enough.
WINNER(S): CHRIS BENOIT AND RHYNO AT 3:45

The Undertaker on his way to the ring after we see Nathan Jones last week tell Michael Cole he has unfinished business with the biggest dog in the yard.

BOOT OF THE WEEK (Lugz and Funkmaster Flex): Taker put Show out with the TCB on Sunday night, but caught a vile Derailer from the A-Train after the bell.

Taker made his way out. “Well the rumor has it that the A-Train is trying to get the big dog’s attention. Well Sunday, A-Train, you got my attention and along with my attention come the consequences of your actions. So that means it’s time to shut up and fight.”

Train came out, and Heyman a few steps behind. “Well look who it is… the self-proclaimed Phenom who used an illegal choke hold on my favorite client at No Way Out. Well for your edification sir, I have signed and am now the exclusive agent for my own Phenom, the A-Train, just like I am the exclusive agent of the WWE Champion Kurt Angle… just like I am the exclusive agent of the WWE Tag Team Champions Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas… and just like I am the exclusive agent of my favorite client, the seven foot four, five hundred pound Big Show!

NON-MATCH SEGMENT: UNDERTAKER/BIG SHOW/A-TRAIN… JONES
Train and Show slowly stalked to the ring and went around opposite sides of the ring as Taker took off the Big Evil shirt and prepared to fight. Taker caught the A-Train with rights after battling off the Show’s ankle grip from the apron, then threw the soup bones at the Show… but turned around to the Train and spun right into a clothesline and a choke slam from the Big Show. Train hit a slingshot splash from the second rope and they planned on more for the Undertaker… but out ran Nathan Jones who scared off everybody with quick martial arts kicks that backed them off. Taker came up to Jones and the two were within about a foot of each other talking but that was it.

John Cena did another taped segment speaking about Brock Lesnar. “Brock, I sit here glued to the screen, punching this keys… watching everything you do on these Internet keys. You can’t erase me, I’m going to make you taste me. I’m a virus, I’ll kill you the next time you face me. If you’re an animal then I’m going on safari, I’m like Playstation 2 you can’t even handle Atari. Your finish is the F-5, well mine’s the FU!” (Just portions of it, I always miss a lot paying attention to it… it was great once again, this one done in front of a laptop computer and with that theme if you didn’t notice.)

MATCH 5: KURT ANGLE (W/ Paul Heyman) VS. BRIAN KENDRICK (Five Minute Challenge)
Kendrick comes in and has to tell Chimmel where he’s from and that he weighs 181. Kurt comes out with the super sweet crushed velvet hoodie over his singlet and looks like a total superstar… even more so that usual. Brian offers his hand but Kurt backs away, still smiling about the whole deal (Angle that is). We get a clock that counts down from 5:00 as if it reaches zero, Kendrick gets his job. Kurt gets on all fours and tells Kendrick to try and wrestle him… Brian did what he could but couldn’t even spin Angle over until Kurt did it himself and began embarrassing Kendrick on the mat. Kurt then on his knees with his hands behind his back asking for Kendrick to give him his best shot and Brian keeps backing off, looking scared but he made it to 3:20 before he booted Angle in the side of the head and quickly got heaved over with an overhead belly to belly. Kurt was then intense and angry, setting Kendrick on the top rope and slapping him literally off the top and to the floor in memorable fashion. Ankle lock put on at the 2:20 (counting back mark) but let it go quickly and then nearly decapitated Kendrick with a clothesline. Angle Slam coming but Kurt put him back down on his face and laughed, continuing to play as the clock reached 1:30. Angle told Brian he would not make it five minutes and Kendrick hit a facebuster into the knee out of a wild position and then a standing enzuigiri that put Kurt down at 1:00. Angle posted himself, took a drop toe hold, but was literally folded up by a clothesline from a Kurt Angle who was IRATE at 0:30. Kurt stood and watched the clock, Kendrick threw about five forearms before he caught a knee and an Angle Slam…. 5-4-3-2… pinned. Kendrick cried when he looked up and saw the clock as Angle picked up a microphone. “For the record, Team Angle had nothing to do with the demise of Edge at No Way Out. We didn’t do it and you can’t prove it. Now I’m going to forget about No Way Out, now it’s time and it’s on to Wrestlemania, which brings me to this guy here. Stand up kid… oh you are standing I’m sorry. What’s your name? Brian… let me tell you something, you got guts kid. You’re not going to make it in this business but you got guts, and that goes a long way with me. Hey people, give this kid a hand. (Raises his arm.) And Brock Lesnar, this one’s for you!” Angle with a vile short clothesline and repeated boots to Brian Kendrick before heaving him through the second rope and then flying over the steps and hard off the post. Kurt then screamed “Brock Lesnar your ass is mine at Wrestlemania” as he hit an F-5 (yes an F-5) on Brian Kendrick.
RATING: 7, Got to give that credit for being entertaining… and if Kurt Angle isn’t the best in the business, eventually EVER, I don’t know who is. Kendrick took a great beating and if it wasn’t for the fact that he is so small at the wrong time… I’d say he had an extended future.
MEMORABLE: The steps and the post… all the clotheslines, just the entire deal itself. The smack in the face was VILE on camera.
CROWD: 8.5, Seemed way way into this and gave Kendrick all their support before it was over.
OUTCOME: Not sure for Kendrick, I’m sure we’ll be seeing him regularly soon… but I still don’t see that “it” factor that tells me he’s going to keep that spot for more than two years. I hope I’m wrong, anybody who gets that chance hopefully can keep it… size is the only thing holding him back… well that and acting ability on the mic, but that can come with experience. Kurt and Brock are going to have a match for the ages most likely, but it will not have the kind of reax that Austin/Rock did two years ago, the best build to a match I’ve seen from WWE in years.
WINNER(S): KURT ANGLE AT 4:58

Ad to remind us all that Austin returns to Raw this Monday night at the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island, New York.

[CandyKANE]

SmackDown brand visits Bridgeport to tape on Tuesday, Birmingham next Sat, and Youngstown next Sunday.

Tony Chimmel announces Sylvan Grenier, Vince’s specially appointed referee for Rock/Hogan II. “Bonjour bonjour bonjour bonjour! Mr. McMahon asked me to introduce one of his greatest achievements in WWE history. So, for the first time on broadcast television, Mr. McMahon presents to you one of his shining moments… Rock-Hogan II.” We see the footage of the second People’s Elbow, the Hogan mocked version from Rock… and then Hulk up time from No Way Out. The point, the three rights, the boot, and the leg drop. 1-2… and the lights went out in Montreal. When they came back on, the Rock was still out and now so was the referee. McMahon appeared atop the entrance ramp and began walking down as Grenier noticeably slid the steel chair over to Rock. Hogan turned from looking at Vince and caught the steel right in the head, busting him open. Rock Bottom and the 1-2-3 as the referee immediately came to life and was completely healthy. Vince would leave the ring with Rock and Grenier, then send them to the back after a handshake… then it was time to insult Hogan, revealing the “Whatcha Gonna Do… Nothing, Hulkster… Sucks” t-shirt, something Shane usually would have worn. Vince mocked the fallen Hulkster with a huge smile and all the mannerisms before ripping the shirt off like he was the man himself… and tossed it in the face of the legend. Hogan stared up the ramp at a victorious and celebratory Vince McMahon.

After No Way Out, WWE cameras caught up with Hogan as he ran into Stephanie. Hulk told Steph to tell his father that he would beat the living hell out of him before stalking off.

Next week, Hulk Hogan will be at SmackDown in Bridgeport, Connecticut. Also next week, the Undertaker vs. A-Train has also been confirmed. Could be Lesnar vs. Team Angle member of his choosing inside a steel cage if he wins the next match.)

Heyman telling Haas and Benjamin that he knew from the start that Brock would be a problem when he engineered Angle to the gold. Paul called for another contingency plan, this time it was Team Angle… the captain, the agent, and now the Tag Team Champions. “Together as one unit, Team Angle is strong.” Brock wants to emasculate them tonight and penetrate the defensive wall, next week getting his hands on Kurt Angle in a cage. Heyman makes sure they aren’t going to let that happen. Haas “Hell no” and Benjamin “Not a chance.”

Brock is finishing up his preliminary curls as he’s ready to go.

MATCH 6: BROCK LESNAR VS. CHARLIE HAAS & SHELTON BENJAMIN (W/ Kurt Angle & Paul Heyman) (Handicap)
Brock just decimating Haas in the first minute and keeping it up on Benjamin by countering a spike DDT attempt with a vile driving shoulder into the corner. Haas sent Lesnar over the top hard with a thunderous clothesline and Heyman put in the insult boots in for a few seconds before Team Angle went back to work. Brock would chase Angle for trying to get involved, catching him but taking a baseball slide to the shoulder from Benjamin… and then bounced face first off the post by Haas. Heyman crushed Brock in the back with a chair against the barricade but Brock still managed to raise a shoulder at 4:38. Brock with Haas choking on his back… climbed to the second rope and fell backwards in a very well-executed story move that looked believably imperfect. Brock then with matching belly to belly’s for Haas and Benjamin, then knocked Kurt off the apron. Haas then hit a German release suplex that he went with at the perfect moment as Benjamin connected with a crescent kick right to the face. Only a two count and the frustration built into an unsuccessful double team. F-5 coming on Haas but Benjamin caught Haas before catching a Lesnar forearm and taking the F-5 himself once Charlie went flying to the floor. Paul about to take an F-5 but Kurt took Brock’s legs out from behind with a chop block and saved Heyman once again. That to come at Wrestlemania ladies and gentlemen. “I just beat Team Angle, and by beating Team Angle that sets me up Kurt. That sets me up for next week. (OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, HEYMAN!) I get to pick any member of your team to step in a steel cage with next week. Hey Kurt, it’s me and you at Wrestlemania. But next week… that member is youuuuuu… Paul Heyman!” (Kurt actually grinned in relief as he backed up and Heyman was literally frozen.)
RATING: 6, Pretty good handicap match there.
MEMORABLE: Intense shots on the floor on Brock by all but Kurt. Brock falling off the second rope after climbing it was an excellent intelligent thing to see.
CROWD: 7.5, Into it, probably higher than this at times.
OUTCOME: Brock vs. Paul in a cage next week.
WINNER(S): BROCK LESNAR AT 7:56